Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A day without an iPhone

Today has felt a lot like a Monday even though it is the middle of the week. It's been chaotic, frustrating, and terribly, terribly scheduled. This isn't out of the norm all that much, our lives are busy, and a lot of days things are scheduled and fast paced. However, today was a little tougher than most because I faced it without my iPhone.

I've lost my own home. (Gasp!) And I can't find it. I've torn up beds, emptied trash cans, looked through drawers, looked under couches, in couches, around couches...nothing. It's beyond frustrating. I don't lose things. I might misplace my keys occasionally or hide something in a special spot that takes me awhile to recall, but flat out lose something, I think not. I've thought and thought about each of my steps last night and nowhere in my memory is my iPhone.

I never realized that I had become one of 'those' people until today. I've become the technology dependent, can't leave home without being connected, too busy to slow down woman. I hate that.

I'm a country girl...I like porches and sunsets and cows...not gigabytes and connection speeds. What happened?

It's hard to look at yourself some days and see how you can unintentionally slip into an addiction that is terribly toxic to you.

I drug myself from the house this morning knowing that I would have to face the day without my connection to the world. How would I survive? What if Josh texts me and needs me? What if I go to lunch and an important work email comes in that I need to respond to? What if one of my Facebook friends announces something big and I am miss it? Big issues, right? Wrong.

What will actually happen...absolutely NOTHING. The world will keep spinning, everyone will make it through the day, and life will go on. Things might not be as convenient, but it's not life or death. It's a harsh reality that I needed to face.

On the way home today I noticed the most amazing section of yellow daisies along the highway. It's the first time I have really seen them because today I lifted my head up and looked around at my daily check-in spot...the trusty traffic light I can always count that I will have to sit at for a few minutes midway through my commute. This is where I glance at emails or text someone back. I won't drive and text, but this is the stopping point where I have a minute to respond if I'm needed.

Who knew there were thousands and thousands of gorgeous flowers right there just a few feet outside my window? I didn't. Not until today when I had to stop and slow down. God was teaching me, I know it. He wants me to take some breaths and see the amazing kingdom He has created and stop thinking I can get it all done on my own, in my time, and on my terms. He knew I needed a refresher and a perspective change even when I didn't realize it.

So, now what? I'll pray. Take the breaths slowly in and out and look again. It won't be the end of the world if it is gone forever. It is however the beginning of realizing how codependent I have unintentionally become to something. Obviously, I needed this day.

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