Sunday, March 24, 2013

Jumping back in...

There's so much to catch up on and so little time to do it, so I'm just going to just start from right now...

We are having a baby!  Yes, we are expecting our first child in June. 

Announcing our news to the world via
2 bottles of BLUE Jones Soda...It's a Boy!

We are having a little boy and we are thrilled!!

I'll be 28 weeks prego on Wednesday. 28 is that even possible?! 

I swear it was just yesterday that I took a pregnancy test and then almost fell over as it came back positive.  Now we are registering for baby gear, about to take infant care classes, reading Parenting magazine, and thinking about names daily.  28 weeks and our world is flipped upside down...and he hasn't even arrived yet.  It's so surreal.

Pregnancy has been a really interesting phenomenon for me on so many levels.  I thought I would be so different while pregnant.   I'm really not sure how to explain this.  I really thought I would be...well, how can I say this...more neurotic!?  Is that the right word!?!  I don't know...I just thought I would be more intentional about everything.  Maybe a little more sentimental in a way.  Maybe I was thinking I'd become more maternal or more organized or more of what I picture a great mom being.  Do you understand me yet?  Probably not...I'm not understanding myself either.  Let me try to explain...

To start, I really thought I would document this little guy's beginning of life a lot better.  I really have seen so many darling ways of doing this through the world of Pinterest and blogs and just knew that would be me.  I'd be photographing, blogging and journaling all about this baby's growth and development...all about the crazy beauty of pregnancy.  I would want to remember this so I would make the time to write it down, or at least photograph it.   The reality...I've snapped a few camera phone photos in my husband's closet of my expanding waistline...most of the time without makeup on and in a totally cluttered space that shows just how unorganized we are.  Lovely and so NOT blog worthy.

Second, I thought I would read up on all of the latest and greatest parenting techniques and baby books that so many friends have recommended.  I would take notes on how to organize a sleep schedule, a feeding schedule, a developmental schedule for my little man.  I would want to devour as much information as possible since I have no experience in raising a child...or growing a baby...or giving birth.  The truth... I've read half of What to Expect When You are Expecting and decided to skim the rest.  I've read one full baby book and started another that I do intend to finish by the time that the little man gets here, but I'm concerned that I've actually retained nothing.  I have a list a mile long of other recommended reads, but really think that by the time I get to them and through them, we'll be having our second child.  Devouring information...not exactly.  I've really almost done a google search for Cliff Notes for expectant moms.  Yikes.  Don't judge.

The big shocker too...I thought I would have the nursery designed, planned, and completed by now.  After all, I started a Pinterest board for baby rooms 2 years ago, long before this baby was even a thought in our head, so that I would have plenty of inspiration when the time came along.  I had the look and design dreamed up in my head of what I thought I would want.  This part was going to be easy and so much fun.  I would contact one of my favorite e-designers and would have her help me put together an unforgettable nursery fit for our little king.  You would want photos of it.  It would be repinned over and over again on Pinterest, obviously!   The truth...I finally found some fabric and have slowly started piecing a nursery together.  We ordered a crib...a big step, indeed, but it's sitting in the garage.  It's in the box.  It taunts me sometimes when I walk by it.  But, I just keep walking past it.  I've even had the daring thought that if the room isn't completed by the time he arrives, I won't be upset about it.  He'll probably be sleeping in our room in a bassinet for a little while anyway. No sweat.

Ummm, what?  WHO AM I?  Hello, Natalie...your little iPhone app keeps reminding you that there are only 13 weeks to go...13 weeks if our little guy waits until his actual due date. Our docs have already warned me that June 19th is probably unlikely.  Hello!?   

I don't know why I thought I would be so different, and I'm not sure why I've been more relaxed (or naive) about this than I was when I first decided to get a dog.  Seriously.  I just have great peace.  Or maybe it's that the hormones for today are bringing me great peace. Seriously.  I think my faith in knowing that God made me for this and chose this time in our life to have a child is one of the big comforts that allows me to sleep at night.  I think knowing that I have a strong, supportive network of great friends that are an endless resource on the latest and greatest parenting techniques allows me to keep my panic levels low.  I think knowing that my husband is the most amazing partner and friend helps keeps me focused on the fact that I'm not in this alone...and that he's going to be right there beside me, struggling and laughing along the way, as we try to figure all of this out together.  And I keep thinking that this precious baby growing inside doesn't care or need to have photos about his journey into the world blogged about each day.  He's not going to judge me or shake his head when he learns that I've only read one parenting book.  He's not going to cry over the fact that his nursery wasn't magazine worthy or finished months before he arrived.  He's not going to feel any less loved or less welcomed.  He's just going to be so loved and supported that's he's never going to care or worry about it being any other way.  He's going to know he was made just for us by God.  It's all so humbling and exciting and terrifying.

I'm so thankful to be where I am today, not where or how I thought I would be...but rather how I really am...scattered and unprepared and ready all at the same time. 

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